Cheyenne Erickson
I sat in the corner of my room bawling as my 20-month-old daughter screamed instead of taking her nap. My mind wouldn’t let me be at peace.
“I don’t want to be here but I can’t leave. I have to take care of her.”
“You’re terrible at taking care of her,” said a little voice in my head. “And you’re going to have another kid?”
I stared down at my third-trimester belly. I could not do this all again.
I just wanted . . . to sleep? To run away? To stop existing. That was the only way out.
I didn’t feel that way during my first, very unplanned pregnancy. I didn’t feel that way after my first baby was born. But around the second trimester of my second pregnancy, a cloud came over my heart and I could not see out. I was experiencing something that I didn’t know had a name: perinatal depression.
What is Perinatal Depression?
Perinatal depression is depression brought about by the change in your hormones during or after your pregnancy.
Most people are familiar with postpartum depression, a term for a hormonal shift that happens after you’ve had your baby, causing depression. Perinatal depression can begin any time from conception up until a year after you’ve had your baby, thus encompassing the postpartum period.
We are going to focus on the depression you can experience DURING your pregnancy. What I want you to gain from reading this is to know that you’re not alone. Thousands of women experience depression while pregnant, and there are tons of great resources available for you.
Warning Signs of Perinatal Depression
It can be difficult to know if you are experiencing perinatal depression or the baby blues. Dr. Jo Kim, a clinical physiatrist and professor at Chicago University explained to me,
“Typically women with the baby blues are not feeling this way the majority of the time. There are times when they feel like themselves, there are times when they're able to laugh and smile and enjoy new motherhood. But then they're hit by these waves of emotion that overcome them.
Whereas a mom who's depressed, if you ask her, ‘Do you feel this way most of the time or all the time?’ She's going to say yes. A mom who has the baby blues is going to say, ‘Oh, no! Thank goodness I don't feel this way all of the time. Sometimes I feel like myself.’ ”
This “feeling like myself” bright line seems to be a good indicator of whether you are experiencing a typical amount of hormonal changes and simply adjusting to motherhood, or if you are experiencing depression.
Clevland Medical Clinic suggests you ask yourself the two following questions:
- Over the past two weeks, have I felt down, depressed or hopeless?
- Over the past two weeks, have I felt little interest or pleasure in doing things?
If your answer is yes to either of these, then talk to your healthcare provider about the possibility of perinatal depression.
What Causes Depression During Pregnancy?
What makes perinatal depression unique is that it is tied to a life event – pregnancy. So, even if you’ve never had a history of depression, you could find yourself affected by it.
Dr. Kim explains that although no one seems to have pinpointed the exact causes of perinatal depression,
“Hormonal changes that happen during pregnancy and postpartum can play a big role. And stress can also play a big role. Some people are just naturally better equipped to handle stress without a big impact on their mood. Whereas others it will take a heavier toll. As you know, pregnancy and new motherhood can be a really stressful time.”
Is Unexpected Pregnancy a Risk?
Unexpected Pregnancy is a risk factor for perinatal depression. Melissa Bentley, the Support Coordinator at Postpartum Support International, told me in an interview,
“A traumatic start to the pregnancy is huge. If it is unexpected or unplanned, even if it's something that you wanted down the line. Or if it was the result of rape or sexual assault or something like that. An unplanned pregnancy puts you at high risk, for sure.”
If you are experiencing an unexpected pregnancy, you should not be afraid of perinatal depression. Instead, you should know the warning signs to be proactive and protect your mental health.
Resources for Perinatal Depression
There are two things you have to do to receive help when struggling with depression: admit you are struggling and allow yourself to be helped. There are many resources out there, but you have to be willing to do the hard work of healing.
1. Your Doctor: One of the first people you should talk to if you are struggling with depression, hopelessness, anxiety, etc. is your doctor or midwife. They will be able to assess your mood and connect you with local resources.
When given the mood assessment at your clinic, I would urge you to be honest. The assessment is confidential, and it is one of the first steps you can take to get help.
I have talked to many women who have struggled to answer the questions honestly, fearing that they would be seen as incapable of being a mom. Nothing could be further from the truth. Opening up about needing help will position you to be a mentally healthy mother.
2. Have a support partner: It is important that you share your struggles with someone, whether that’s a doctor, your partner, or a friend. Someone needs to have your back and be able to check in on you.
Dr. Kim remarked,
“There are three big things I would say, especially to a partner, but they could also apply to another friend or family member.
- Don't be afraid to reach out for help on behalf of your loved one. A lot of the calls that we receive are from concerned partners or concerned family members saying, ‘My wife or my daughter or my friend had a baby X number of weeks ago, and something's just not right.’
- Get information from reliable sources. There's a lot of scary misinformation out there online.
- And then especially for a partner, I would also say to get your own help if you need it.”
3. Find help anonymously: Sometimes it can be hard to admit that you’re struggling. I’ve been there. I reached out to my hospital's postpartum support hotline once while I was pregnant and once after I had my baby because I didn’t want friends or family to know how much I was struggling.
Looking back, I wish I had let people in my life support me, but the support I received from the helpline was lifesaving. If you want help, but do not want it from someone in your orbit, then reach out to Postpartum Support International. They have a hotline to address concerns regarding perinatal anxiety and mood disorders.
4. Find a Support Group: Getting through your season of depression can be made easier by plugging into a community. Postpartum Support International hosts free, virtual support groups, and I am sure you can find one that would work with your schedule.
You can ask PSI or your doctor to help connect you to a local support group that meets in person. When I talked with Nancy Segall, LCSW, the Director of Beyond the Baby Blues, a postpartum depression support group in Chicago, she described their weekly groups led by trained therapists. Many of the women stay in contact with each other and some have found lifelong friends from the experience.
You’re not alone
Being depressed during pregnancy is incredibly challenging, especially if you weren’t expecting to be pregnant. The mix of hopelessness, guilt, a desire to get better, and a desire to just quit can be overwhelming. But I can tell you as someone who has experienced this: it will get better.
I thought there were too many barriers to receiving help. I didn’t have a babysitter, I had to work, my insurance wouldn’t cover a therapist.
On and on the excuses went . . . until my depression led me to the brink of suicide because I believed the lie that the world would be better off without me.
Don’t let your depression get to this point. The world needs you. You deserve help.
Now, two years later, I am in a much better place. I still have dark days but I have healed from the depression that gripped me. It took a while (and some therapy) to realize that my depression and anxiety may have manifested during my pregnancy, but many of the issues I needed to work through were from other life experiences.
Knowing the warning signs and being proactive to take care of your mental health is a great step toward having a healthy pregnancy. There are so many awesome people wanting to help you find recovery and joy in motherhood. All you need to do is reach out.
