I’ve been there. I’ve googled parenting tips and tricks on how to be a better mom. I’ve done the striving and straining. I’ve beaten myself up for the ways in which I felt like I was failing, both as a mom and just in life in general.
Hear me: YOU are NOT a failure.
Anyone who reads an article on how to be a better mom is already a good mom. But I could say that 100 times in this article and it wouldn’t make a difference. You have to believe it and see your successes.
Barriers to “Being Enough”
My self-worth has been at an all-time low this year. After years of emotional abuse, my husband left me, and I’ve been raising three children on my own for several months.
My oldest son is five and has severe cerebral palsy, epilepsy in the form of about ten seizures a day, and severe vision impairment. Still, he’s a happy, smart little cookie. My daughter is three and has some hearing loss and speech delay and is truly Mommy’s little helper. My youngest son just turned two. He’s my kid that will run and tackle me in a hug.
As I’ve slogged through this year, I’ve discovered two things:
- I am enough the way I am
- I’m succeeding way more than I give myself credit for.
So, from one mom to another, let’s look at our victories!
Three Areas We Feel Failure
Our Children
Maybe you raised your voice again. Maybe you spent all day doing everything “right” but the kids still aren’t listening. Being a mom has some frustrating moments and days.
But what about all those hugs, kisses, “I love you” moments? What about when your child did listen or picked up the toys without being asked?
Instead of counting the perceived failures, dwell on the positives
Where we put our attention is what we get in life. Dr. Becky Bailey says it best:
“Where we place our attention literally alters the structures of our brains. When we focus our attention on negative messaging, we strengthen [the] pathways in our brain and become more reactive and hurtful. We also put stress on our immune, endocrine, and cardiovascular systems.
When we focus our attention on the positive, we strengthen these pathways to become healthier, happier, and more loving.”
Try this powerful perspective change on yourself. Treat yourself with kindness by seeing your personal wins and desirable attributes. Then, try it on your child, family, and friends and watch how it changes your household.
Our Bodies
There are days I feel like my body has let me down or I wish it was just different.
But what about all the incredible things my body is successfully doing?
The same goes for you. Remember, you created, housed, and maintained human life.
Your brain may have forgotten something important again. Maybe it just feels foggy. But it also does a lot to support you and get you through the day. Give your brain grace and say thank you for all it does to navigate you through the day.
Our Internal World
Maybe you feel like the inside of you is failing too. You can never get it together and feel happy.
You aren’t failing because you’re sad, stressed, or angry. Acknowledging difficult emotions doesn’t mean you have to live in that place.
Picture the part of you that is helpful, kind, and understanding embracing you when you have anger and sadness. You deserve the same compassion you pour out on friends and family.
Habits to Encourage Yourself
Moments of Connection
Find at least one moment a day when you can give your children undivided attention. Maybe after naps, you sit on the floor and play cars. Or after dinner, you play a board game. Maybe before bed, you snuggle, rock, or sing.
These moments build connection and trust with your children and help them want to listen to you throughout the day. They also help you slow down, have fun, and connect.
Phone Reminders
When you have a victory, put it as the title of an event on your phone. When the alarm goes off, you’ll be reminded that you actually did the dishes, successfully potty trained your daughter, or turned the work assignment in with time to spare.
Sticky Notes
Take a moment at the end of each day and think of at least one thing that you did well or a positive thing that happened. Write it down on a sticky note and put it on the wall. You could also record it in your journal or write it on a small piece of paper to keep in a jar.
This ritual helps you dwell on something positive before bed instead of replaying all the ways you felt like a failure that day. Chances are you rocked today—you just need a little reminder.
Opportunities to Grow
I am certain you are not failing as much as you think you are. Your “failures” are opportunities to learn and grow.
Rewrite that internal voice that is criticizing your every move, beating you down, and minimizing your victories.
Right now, tell yourself you’ve got this. Give yourself a literal pat on the back. Choose to find one victory from today and every day after.
Here at She Might, we believe you are capable, victorious, and enough.